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LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show - Matters of the Heart - cosPRIDE.org

LGBT Matters of the Heart - LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show - cosPRIDE.org

Talk Is Cheap - Trust Your Gut and not Their Words

LGBT Matters Of The Heart series.
Episode #4 - October 17, 2013

It's not just Gay Marriage; it's an LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show

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Talk Is Cheap

Trusting Your Gut vs Their Words

Charles Irwin - PrideNET Radio Network - Executive Director cosPRIDE.org

How did you learn that Talk Is Cheap?

Story - Boss's house and never left and slapped him on the ass and 8 years later.

I learned that talk is cheap from a relationship that I ended.  One that hurt me greatly but it taught me that I need to trust my gut and I didn't.

The person I was in love with had great lip service.  No, I'm not talking about what you may think; I am talking about the words that he would say to me.  They were nearly perfect.  He loved me.  He wanted me.  We would be together forever and so on.  BUT it was all lip service.  He told me exactly what I wanted to hear.

Did he mean what he said or was he just using me?  I don’t know.  I’m not him so I can't speak to that but, that's not the point.  The point is that I heard exactly what I wanted to hear.  More importantly, for me, it was what I needed to hear.  I needed to hear it because it helped me ignore my own intuition that something wasn’t right.  I was ignoring my gut!

I didn't feel like a boyfriend.  We spent little time together.  Everything in his life was more important than I was.  The possibility of meeting up with a friend, any friend, even for as little as say 10 minutes was more important than a date, a date planned for weeks.  It never ended.  Then of course there was work, then it was scheduling, then it was some other type of issue... Hell his phone was even more important.  But all along the words were there.  Perfect words from his mouth, on a note, a letter, a text... I listened to the words.  I ignored the actions, I ignored my gut.

So what did I learn?  I learned that my gut feeling was just getting in the way of what those fake words were doing for me.  I wanted to be happy so much that I didn’t believe me.  My gut was not matching up with the words I needed to hear so I thought my gut was wrong?  I was overreacting.  I was thinking too much.  I was over analyzing my feelings. Nope!  My gut was right and I didn't listen.  I questioned it.  I questioned myself.

So what did I really learn?  Listen To Your Gut!

  1. Trust your instincts.
  2. Ask yourself questions and listen to the first answer that pops into your mind.
  3. Clearing your mind of repetitive thoughts and worries will make it easier to listen to your intuition.
  4. Listen to your gut. There's a reason it's called a "gut feeling". Many times, a decision that you "know" is wrong makes you feel discomfort in your stomach area.

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Marlene Milner - PrideNET Radio Talk Show Host - Matters Of The Heart - cosPRIDE.org

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Jack Danielsen - PrideNET Radio Talk Show Host - Matters Of The Heart - cosPRIDE.org

"How to stay out of bed on the first date"

Do's

  1. Meet in a public place- a restaurant or well populated park for example.
  2. Plan a date that includes getting together with other people.
  3. Got to the movies.
  4. Go for a walk
  5. Meet for coffee

Don't:

  1. Go to is home or your home.
  2. Go to any place where you will be entirely alone

Avoid:

1.Using the same car (it's an easy place to be alone. If you use his car you have less control over how the date develops.)

Minimum requirements for a mutually fulfilling relationship (these come from the same book)

  1. Commitment to the relationship
  2. Agreement on the fundamental rules-or code-of the relationship
  3. Willingness to communicate
  4. Ability to compromise
  5. Acceptance of differences

Here is a link to Eric Marcus' Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Marcus



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How to Follow Your Intuition

  1. Trust your instincts. It can be difficult to depend on something that you don't understand, and you probably shouldn't base every one of your decisions on intuition. For example, if you're hiring someone, you should look at qualifications first and foremost, or else you might accidentally discriminate. But when you've weighed all the options and there is no obvious, rational choice, intuition's really all you've got. Consider the following:

    Intuition is basically how you quickly tap into your subconscious mind, which is where you "archive" all kinds of information that you don't remember on a conscious level.  Sometimes you pick up on things subconsciously without realizing it, such as body language. It'll register as a certain "feeling" that you can't articulate at that moment, but it could very well be valid.

    Without intuition, you're no different than a computer. You only make decisions based on facts, and you don't always have all the facts.  So unless you're functioning like a computer, you're already making decisions based on various factors other than logic...why not learn how to use your intuition as well?

    Even some of the world's greatest scientists, the most logical thinkers of all time, have made their greatest discoveries based on flashes of intuition (think of Newton and the apple that fell on his head, or Archimedes shouting "Eureka!" in his bathtub).
     
  2. Ask yourself questions and listen to the first answer that pops into your mind. That isn't easy, because several thoughts will flood your mind at once. For instance, let's say you're looking at a menu. In figuring out what you want, pick out the first thing that stands out to you. Ignore the remainder of your thoughts, like "But I didn't even look at the specials...but my friend is on a diet and I'll feel bad eating this in front of her...but my uncle said the mashed potatoes he had here were too mushy...blah, blah, blah." Don't dwell on it. Just pick something. It's scary...what if you make the wrong choice?...but you'll be fine.
     
  3. Meditate. Clearing your mind of repetitive thoughts and worries will make it easier to listen to your intuition. Find a meditative technique you are comfortable using and practice.
     
  4. Listen to your gut. There's a reason it's called a "gut feeling". Many times, a decision that you "know" is wrong makes you feel discomfort in your stomach area.
     
  5. Listen to and communicate with your multiple brains. Neuroscience research has shown we have functional and complex brains in both our heart and gut. These brains have memory and intelligence. As the points above indicate, your gut and heart brains know when something isn't right and will tell you through feelings, hunches and messages. You can communicate with these brains through simple language, imagery and touch.
     
  6. Keep an intuition journal. Every day, use your intuition to make a guess about someone or something. Don't act on it, though. Just write it down. Focus on statements like "I have a feeling that..." or "My intuition tells me that..." If there are any sensations associated with your intuition, such as a vision, or physical discomfort, be sure to record it. Looking back in your journal, see how often you are right. As you learn more about how to recognize your intuition, and you see it leading you in the right direction, your confidence will grow and so will your intuitive power.
     
  7. Exercise the right side of your brain. Intuition is drawn from the right hemisphere of the brain which is the same side that controls nonverbal, holistic thought and expression. Here are some other ways to "work out" your intuition:

Courtesy of WikiHow

 


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What Oprah Knows for Sure About Trusting Her Intuition

What I know for sure is that if you were going to buy only one issue, ever, of O, this would be the one. Learning to trust your instincts, using your intuitive sense of what's best for you, is paramount for any lasting success. I've trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I've made mistakes is when I didn't listen.

It's really more of a feeling than a voice—a whispery sensation that pulsates just beneath the surface of your being. All animals have it. We're the only creatures that deny and ignore it.

A while back, Bob Greene and I were walking with my dogs around the pond at my home in California. The weather was damp and misty, and I was concerned that it was too cold for the dogs to go in the water. But Bob said, "Don't worry—they're dogs. They're not going to stay in the water if it's too cold. Animals don't deliberately cause themselves discomfort the way people do."

How many times have you gone against your gut, only to find yourself at odds with the natural flow of things? We all get caught up in the business of doing, and sometimes lose our place in the flow. But the more we can tune in to our intuition, the better off we are. I believe it's how God speaks to us.

For all the major moves in my life—to Baltimore, to Chicago, to own my show, and to end it—I've trusted my instincts. I take in all the information I can gather. I listen to proposals, ideas, and advice. Then I go with my gut, what my heart feels most strongly.

And I often tell friends: When you don't know what to do, do nothing. Get quiet so you can hear the still, small voice—your inner GPS guiding you to true North.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-on-Trusting-Her-Intuition-Oprahs-Advice-on-Trusting-Your-Gut#ixzz2i0Yn2Hon
 


Codependence

•My good feelings about who I am stem from being loved by you.
•My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
•Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
•My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
•My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
•My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
•My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
•My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.
•Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
•Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
•I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
•I am not aware of what I want. I ask what you want. I am not aware—I assume.
•The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
•My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
•My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
•I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
•My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
•I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
•I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
•The quality of my life is in direct relation to the quality of yours.