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LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show - Matters of the Heart - cosPRIDE.org

LGBT Matters of the Heart - LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show - cosPRIDE.org

Welcome To The PrideNET Radio Network
Brodcasting various live LGBT talk shows LIVE from LGBT Ground Zero Colorado Springs Colorado. 

LGBT Matters Of The Heart
Episode #3 - October 10, 2013

LGBT Relationship Radio Talk Show

 

 


 


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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do – How To End a Relationship And Keep Your Dignity

Ten Tips on How To End a Relationship And Keep Your Dignity

Breaking up might be hard to do, but sometimes it’s also the right thing to do.

Charles Irwin - PrideNET Radio Network - Executive Director cosPRIDE.org

1. The spark is gone, now make the move. You liked or loved him once (or might still do). No matter what he did, he deserves respect enough for a face-to-face breakup. Don't cop out with a text message or Sex and The City type post-it. Muster up all of your courage for an eye-to-eye "I'm out of here!" If you're ending on bad terms, you'll have the opportunity to see him crumble. If things are cordial, an in-person conversation allows for amicable closure.

2. You've already got the upper hand. Break his heart, not his stuff. Not only might he retaliate (either by breaking your stuff or via small claims court), but you'll be forever known as the destructive thug that has no control. And he'll be happy to perpetuate that image to all of your friends.

3. Keep your cool before, during and after the breakup. My father is an attorney. He once told me that in cases where the facts are iffy, the person that looks the least crazy usually wins. That was the most important legal (and relationship) advice he's ever given me. The rumor mill will be overrun by your relationship gossip. Keep your cool and refuse to engage in slander. Previous circumstances permitting, you'll be seen as the least crazy, and in their eyes, not at fault.
 


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Marlene Milner - PrideNET Radio Talk Show Host - Matters Of The Heart - cosPRIDE.org

4. Secure your belongings before the breakup. There is no guarantee you'll get your stuff back after the breakup and suing him for it is just too time consuming and embarrassing (just look at any daytime court show episode). If you've been planning the breakup for some time, slowly remove the most essential goods. If the breakup is sudden, start collecting before you give your final words.

5. Don't be distant, just do it. Being passive-aggressive may seem like the least dramatic route, but all you're doing is harboring resentment. Many guys think if they just fade away, the boyfriend will get the hint. Be an adult an express how you feel in person.

6. Take all counsel with caution. Friends and family are great, but sometimes they can give some really bad advice. Plus, you can never be sure about their true motives. If your best friend hates your boyfriend, more than likely his advice will be a little less cordial than the counsel of a neutral friend. Take any advice with caution. Don't broadcast your breakup over the acquaintance waves; confide in a few trusted friends and take their advice under consideration, not as the final word.

 

 

 

 

 


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Jack Danielsen - PrideNET Radio Talk Show Host - Matters Of The Heart - cosPRIDE.org7. It's up to you to decide if your relationship can be salvaged. If you've come this far, a breakup is looming. One of the biggest mistakes couples make when breaking up is not communicating the issues that led them there. Or the partner that is ending the relationship allows the other to manipulate them into staying. Some partners also second guess their decisions in front of a crying boyfriend. Get the issues out on the table and make a firm decision before the conversation.

8. No matter what the outcome, the issues between you and him will continue to surface, unless there is a plan of action (including further communication, compromise, couple's therapy, etc.) or a complete separation. You have to decide what you can live with, just make sure the decision is what's best for you, not him or the relationship.

9. In time, the pain of the breakup will heal. Channel your anger, hurt or disappointment in positive ways and leave him be. Walk away with your head up high.

 

 

 

 

 



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Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

    telling all
    talking at an intimate level on the first meeting
    falling in love with a new acquaintance
    falling in love with anyone who reaches out
    being overwhelmed by a person; preoccupied
    being sexual for partner, not self
    going against personal values or rights to please others
    not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
    not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
    accepting food, gifts, touch, sex, that you don't want
    touching someone without asking
    taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
    giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
    allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
    letting others direct your life
    letting others describe your reality
    lettings others define you
    believing others can anticipate your needs
    expecting others to fill your needs automatically
    falling apart so someone will take care of you
    self abuse
    sexual and physical abuse
    food abuse


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Why Victims Stay

    fear of harm to the victim or the children or other family members
    love, loyalty, guilt, fear of retaliation, fear of being alone
    fear of not finding a way to make a living
    belief that their children need a father in the home
    belief that the abusing partner cannot survive without her-  the abusive partner may threaten to kill himself if she leaves


Codependence

•My good feelings about who I am stem from being loved by you.
•My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
•Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
•My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
•My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
•My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
•My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
•My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.
•Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
•Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
•I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
•I am not aware of what I want. I ask what you want. I am not aware—I assume.
•The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
•My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
•My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
•I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
•My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
•I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
•I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
•The quality of my life is in direct relation to the quality of yours.